El Scorcho Online Article

Breaking News! Community Theatre = Gay by Rose Muller
A recent development in the military, the US Army dismissed six Arabic language translators on grounds which had nothing to do with their ability to serve and protect the USA. Why? You ask. The army's smooth ability to decipher "gayness". With what questions? Have you ever done community theatre. My god, they might sing "Luck Be a Lady" in Arabic. They might do renditions of Hamlet in the middle of battle. They might start doing choreographed dance routines in short skirts. This is absolutely real folks. Be warned all men in community theatre are gay, gay, gay, so run if a theatre major asks you out for a date.

Now some of us are probably, being rational and wondering, WFT, mate? I mean god lord, the policy is ridiculous not only for it's prejudice and stereotyping but it is astoundingly stupid. How many Arabic translators are there in the United States. A sad little number which is overwhelmed by the current need. But looking on the bright side this does give some of our male 18-24 year old friends a non-painful outlook. If a draft comes into affect instead of going through the arduous process to become a conscientious objector or run to Canada, simply volunteer, "And I was in community theatre for six years!"

Of course this leaves the military in a terrible position. Not only is the no homosexual standpoint biased and retarded but they are trying to create a scientific manner to determine gayness. Guess what boys there is no tell tale action. Another determining factor of "gayness" is knowing and being friends with homosexuals. Well I'm a hardcore lesbian because we all know, you can catch "gay" It's worse then Clymidia. It sneaks under our doors and into our dreams! Oh no! Not the gay-disease. All I can do is laugh helplessly, what retard put those idiots in charge of the military. But it's a saving grace, their prejudice will save hundreds to thousands due to their gay behavior. And that is a blessing. Thank goodness for retards.

Original Release: October 2006, Version II
Section: Illusion Politics